When parents ruin their children’s life.
This article was published on Project Child Indonesia’s website on 30 November 2021 with the same title.
The way parents raise their kids is a never-ending debate, because every parent wants the best out of the best for their kids. As the year 2000 approached, a term known as Helicopter Parenting arose, referring to the way the baby boomer generation raises their children. Then, what does this term mean?
Have you ever felt that your parents are taking over your life? Like, what school you must go to, what style you must wear, even your dreams–what you will be in the future. If you have this experience, maybe you are raised by helicopter parents.
The word ‘helicopter’ is used because the way parents would hover over their children is like a helicopter. According to Carolyn Daitch, Ph.D., director of the Center for the Treatment of Anxiety Disorders in Detroit and author of Anxiety Disorders: The Go-To Guide, helicopter parenting is “a type of parents who are too focused on their children.”
Helicopter parents would take too much responsibility for their children’s experiences, especially their children’s success and failures. They might be shadowing their children’s life, directing their behavior.
It sounds bad, what is the cause of this parenting style?
There are many reasons why this type of parenting commonly happens, but there are some triggers that cause this phenomenon. Anxiety and fear of the future are the most common triggers for them, considering they don’t want their kids to fail.
Society always has very high standards. Parents might experience some failures before and don’t want it to happen to their children. A low score on schools, rejection when looking for jobs, not going to certain schools. Because based on their experience, some ‘path’ is more beneficial for their children, they have tendencies to hover over their children’s life.
Peer pressure as adults and parents, too, is one of the biggest reasons why they want to ‘control’ their children. If parents are surrounded by helicopter parents, there is a big chance they would become helicopter parents too because they will mimic this style of parenting.
Well, if many parents do this, what are the consequences they might face?
It will ruin their children’s development because this style of parenting will cause a child with low self-confidence and low self-esteem. Why? Because helicopter parents are the ones who choose their decisions, they might think that their parents don’t trust them to do things on their own.
Also, the children with helicopter parents will lack coping skills, as their ‘mess’ is always cleaned by their parents. It will lead to other problems– anxiety and depression, as they are not able to cope with failure and disappointments.
It’s important to recognize how your parenting style may influence your child now and in the future. If you are one of the helicopter parents, here are some words for you. Lessening attention to your children doesn’t make you bad parents. Letting them taste failures, rejections, and disappointment is hard, but you can make sure you are there for them to work through that.
Because after all, we all want our children to be grown up, as independent adults.
Bayless, K. (2019, December 6). What Is Helicopter Parenting? Parents. Retrieved October 22, 2021, from https://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/what-is-helicopter-parenting/
Brown, M. (2019, January 28). Intensive Parenting: Everything You Need to Know About the New Helicopter Parenting. Parents. Retrieved October 22, 2021, from https://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/style/intensive-parenting-everything-you-need-to-know-about-the-new/
Higuera, V. (2019, September 12). What Is Helicopter Parenting? Healthline. Retrieved October 22, 2021, from https://www.healthline.com/health/parenting/helicopter-parenting#consequences